The Answer to Anxiety

I was five years old the first time I remember having a full blown panic attack. There were seasons in my life when I would go days without eating a real meal because my stomach was in knots about some unknown or irrational fear. There were days when I wouldn't even speak to someone for fear that if I opened my mouth the only thing that would come out would be vomit. I was a mess. I was broken. I was lost in fear and anxiety and I couldn't find my way out.

Until one day I got tired of it. I got tired of feeling bad. I got fed up with what felt like this demon rising up in me and taking over my soul. I knew that God could free me, but I just couldn't figure out why He wasn't doing it. I prayed and prayed, still nothing. I was sure that I would be in this prison forever.

But God broke through it all. Through a series of events, God led me to seek out help from a therapist. Now, anxiety doesn't control me. I don't live in fear of when my next panic attack will hit me. God did set me free, but it didn't look like I thought it would.

What I began to realize is that it wasn't the therapy that healed me. It wasn't me ridding my environment of things that caused me unnecessary stress or fear. It wasn't me just praying through the feelings until God showed up. Although I did do all those things. At the core of my anxiety I realized that my problem was that I didn't know my purpose or who I was.

Our purpose first and foremost is to know God who created us. Most people think that it is all about what we do for the Kingdom. And it's true, that is part of it. But if we don't first know this God who created us, saved us, and is here with us, then how can we ever affect the world. Jesus said it this way in John 17:3, "And this is eternal life, that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent." Literally life itself is to know God and to know the Son. Without knowing that we cannot live our lives to the full and we cannot accomplish anything for the Kingdom. And without knowing Perfect Love, fear cannot be cast out of our lives.

God is everything opposite of fear and anxiety. He is peace and love and power and faith and hope. How could I expect to find those things without knowing Him? How could I have ever expected to fight this demon without fully knowing all that I have access to because of my Father? I needed to know my Father's heart for me. I needed to know the Christ who had saved me. And I needed to know the Spirit who is with me to bring me comfort and power. I needed to be sweetly reminded that my first and greatest defining factor of me is that I am a child who is loved. But I couldn't just know it in my head. I needed it deep in my heart. Deep in the core of myself.

That's why I didn't say that I needed to know about God or about being a daughter. I said I needed to know God. Sometimes we spend so much time just trying to learn about God that we totally miss the personal moments that He wants to have with us in our secret moments. We miss when He wants to invade our room and have a powerful encounter with us that changes us forever. We think we can only meet Him at church or a small group but it's just not true. He can show up anywhere, anytime. We just have to be aware. We have to learn how He speaks. How He moves. What the atmosphere feels like when He walks into a room. We have to know Him. Personally.

That is what Jesus came to restore. In the Garden at the very beginning, God walked with Adam and Eve. He was there, personally, to know them and for them to know Him. But when man fell, that relationship was severed. Very few people in that time frame got to know God the way Adam and Eve did. So when Jesus came, He didn't just come to die on a cross or forgive our sins. He came so that we could actually get to know our Father again. He came for relationship. Personal relationship. He came to restore what was lost. He came to restore our purpose of knowing God.

I know I know, you're waiting on the answer. You're saying, "Caitlin, your post is called The Answer to Anxiety, so where is it?" And it's coming, but until you have the foundation you can't build the house. The foundation is your purpose of knowing God. The answer is the most important thing about you, and that is that God is with you.

Sounds simple right. The answer to anxiety is that God is with me. Okay. But you want more right? Like how would I know that that is the answer? Let me show you.

There's a verse of scripture that gets thrown out there a lot when we talk about anxiety, and that is Philippians 4:6 which says, "do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." People will say, "Well the Bible says to not be anxious about anything but rather to pray about it." And while there is validity to that, that's not all this passage is talking about, and I think we are missing something.

In the ESV translation, that sentence is actually cut in half. Verse 5 ends by saying, "The Lord is at hand;" Semicolon. That means that the sentence isn't over. There's more to say. So that whole sentence actually reads, "The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything," It could even be read, "The Lord is at hand, therefore do not be anxious about anything." The point of not being anxious about anything is knowing that God is with you.

Do you need more? How about when God called Moses to go and set His people free from Egyptian slavery. Moses immediately came back and asked who he was that he could go and do what God was asking him to do. God simply replied, "I will be with you." It seems that God does not answer Moses's question, but really He does. Moses asks God who he is, and God replies by telling Him the most important characteristic of himself, that God is with Him. God knows that at the root, Moses is afraid to go, so God answers that fear in the first question. Moses is not alone, but the power and authority of God goes with Him.

How about when Joshua is about to lead the children of Israel into the promise land. God says to him, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." What caused Joshua to be courageous and unafraid was knowing that God was with him.

Isaiah 41:10 says, "So do not fear, for I am with you." When God called Gideon out of hiding in a winepress to go and defeat Midian, He says to him several times that He is with Him, will be with Him, and that He has given Gideon the strength to accomplish what He has called him to do. When He commissioned the disciples to go into all the world, Jesus ends His speech my saying, "And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age."

I could go on and on about God telling us that He is with us, but you get the point. Whenever God told us to not be afraid or anxious, He accompanies it by reminding us that He is with us. That this God we are spending time getting to know is not just up in Heaven watching us, but is actually right there in the boat with us while the storm rages all around us.

At it's core, anxiety is birthed out of a spirit of fear. And fear comes when we are focused on self. Whether it's self-preservation. Self-centeredness. Self-Doubt or insecurity. When we are focused on self and keeping ourselves where we want to be (usually in control) we become afraid that something, at any point in time, is going to come and ruin that. So we become anxious. We go to worst case scenarios. And we forget that the Creator of the universe is in our midst.

I have come to realize something. The more focused I become on knowing God, the more aware I am that He is with me. The more aware I am that He is with me, the less I even think about being anxious. Before, I would literally be anxious about when I might be anxious again. I was scared of my fear. But when I shift my focus on following my purpose of knowing God and walking with Him personally, anxiety loses every power over me that it has ever had.

What I want you to know, is that this can be your reality too. You can live a life where you don't even think about anxiety anymore. Your journey will most likely look different than mine. You may need some medication for a period of time to help you get a grip on reality. You may need (and I highly recommend) therapy for a while. It can help you get through all those broken places that the enemy has destroyed in your heart. It is okay to ask for help from people. But while you are doing all those things, remember that your personal time with the Lord is the most important thing. It cannot be abandoned or replaced with these other things. These steps should actually be added onto what you are doing personally with the Lord, not the other way around. Another person can't tell you who you are, only the Lord can do that. No one can help you know God, only you and the Holy Spirit can walk that path.

And here's the great thing about the Lord, we can spend all of eternity getting to know Him. He is constantly revealing new things to me. I have spent time getting to know the Father, yet there are still things He longs to show me about Himself. I have spent time learning about Jesus as my Savior, but there are still so many things that I still need to understand about what that really means. Currently, I am on a journey getting to know the Holy Spirit and all the ways He moves and speaks.

That's why I cannot afford to be bothered by all these fears and anxieties. I have a much more important purpose in life, and that is spending time with my Father and learning every aspect of Him. And as I grow in knowledge of Him, I then begin to overflow and ooze His love and His presence everywhere I go and to everyone I meet.

You see, there is no magic formula. There's not a one-size-fits-all method. Because it's all personal. God is a personal God. Your journey is your journey, and my journey is mine. But the purpose is the same: To know God and to live with an awareness of His presence at all times. It is in this space that anxiety loses it's power. Fear loses it's control. The devil loses his authority. Anxiety is at it's core a spiritual battle. I believe that. So we have to fight it spiritually first. Then mentally, emotionally, and physically.

The Sunday school answer really is the answer. Jesus. Immanuel. God with us. God in us. God for us. God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit. That's your Answer. The greatest Answer. The only Answer. The Way, the Truth, the Life. There is no need to overcomplicate it. Spend time getting to know God and live with an awareness that this God will never leave or forsake you. Turn your focus to Him and away from yourself and you will begin to realize that everything you were afraid of will pale in comparison to the One who is with you always, even to the end of the age.