It's Time To Let It Go

Sometimes things happen to us so unexpectedly that it knocks us off our feet and the wind is sucked from our lungs. We’re just left laying there not knowing who we are, where we are, or what just happened. All we know is that we feel pain and we want it to stop.

What’s worse is when that pain comes courtesy of someone you really cared about and trusted. It’s difficult to come back from. Even harder to trust again. To let people in again. 

But the hardest part of it all is letting go. We want restitution. We want them to feel the pain that we have felt. We want them to admit how wrong they were. We want vindication. 

Yet, it never comes. Does it? Maybe in a some cases redemption is possible. But those are few and far between. 

So what do we do? How do we move on? Better yet, why should we? I have asked myself that so many times. It feels right to want justice doesn’t it? So then, why should I be the one to move on? I’m the one who got hurt. They should have to pay. And maybe they should. But my question is this: How much are you willing to give up to get that? 

As many times in my life as I have heard someone teach on forgiveness, knowing all that I know about it and why it is important, it’s still easy to walk in unforgiveness. I know that unforgiveness leads to bitterness. Bitterness turns to rage. And rage turns me into a person that I never want to be. Yet, I let myself not forgive someone when I know I need to. 

Maybe you’re like me and you stuff those emotions down. You pretend like you’re really not that hurt. Or you know in your head that logically you’re fine. It could have been worse. But all the while your heart is getting darker and darker. Until ultimately you lose it. 

Or maybe you’re very vocal about your feelings. You’re that person that spews hate on Facebook in the name of “just stating my opinion” or “I’m just telling it like it is”. Maybe you think you are standing up for yourself even if it means knocking others down, but you never actually knock that person down. Can I help you? You're not accomplishing what you want to accomplish. You are actually forfeiting your credibility and reputation. People may pity you for a minute. They may even respond with the same outrage. But all you are doing it stirring up a tornado that rips through social media and causes more damage than it is worth.

What we don’t realize is what holding onto that hurt is costing us. Recently at church we have been doing a series on offense and being offended. Saying that God used this series to set me free is an understatement. And you know the craziest part, the information wasn’t all that new to me. Like I said, I’ve heard messages on forgiveness more times than I can count. I’ve had counselors and mentors and small group teachers talk about it and tell me to forgive those who have brought offense to me. And I know it. I mean I’ve been in church since birth. I should have this down by now, right? 

Obviously that's not the case. I’m still human after all. But the Spirit just rushed into my heart after this message. The pastor talked about how choosing to be offended was costing me my peace, my purpose, and the presence of God. It hit me that the reason I have felt disconnected from Jesus is because I was holding onto offense, and I had to let it go if I ever wanted to get back into the fullness of the presence of the Spirit in my daily life. I needed the Light to come and dispel the darkness I had let myself slip into.

It’s so easy in the time we are living to become offended. In fact, in one of the messages we talked about offense being inevitable. People are going to suck at some point. People are going to hurt you because they’re people. They’re not perfect. We have to remember that we don't fight against flesh and blood. The person who hurt you had spiritual influences all around them that you couldn't see. They were acting under that influence. It doesn't make it okay, but we get the choice of whether or not we get offended and ultimately stay offended at that person. 

When we get down to it, forgiveness really is making a choice to not stay offended. So often we think forgiveness is somehow saying that what happened to us was okay. Let me just say, it probably wasn’t okay. That is not what you are saying when you choose to forgive someone who hurt you. Forgiveness is literally you, once you’ve acknowledged how the offense made you feel, looking to God and saying, “You can have this now. I trust You to make it right because I know that I can’t.” 

You might have to pray that several times until it actually takes root in your heart, and that’s okay. But here’s what I came to understand, until you truly realize how much living in offense is costing you, you’ll never be able to let it go. I had to look at my life and ask myself if it was really worth it. Was it worth the presence of God in my life? Not that God left me, because He doesn’t do that. But the offense in my heart was clouding my spirit so that I didn't have any awareness of His tangible presence around me. And take it from me, that’s not a fun place to be. 

Not to mention that you are also giving up your peace and your purpose. If you are staying in offense then you are staying in pain and anger and stress. There is no peace in that. Do you struggle to sleep at night? Are you always worried when you go out that you might see that person? If you decide to forgive then maybe you can let that fear go too.

Then there's your purpose. Our purpose on this earth is to go and make disciples. That means that we have to interact with a lot of people. Not only that, but we have to be the type of person that they can relate to, listen to, and learn from. One thing that staying in offense makes you do is become offensive. Your hurt actually causes you to hurt other people. So then, how can you ever hope to accomplish your purpose in this earth if you are being offensive? And most of the time you're hurting people who have never hurt you because you are still holding onto pain that someone else caused you. It's. Not. Worth. It. Don't lose your reach and influence because you want to stay in your pain.

So please, I’m begging you, open up your hands and let go. Please don’t stay in your hurt. God has so much more for you and I want you to have it! You can do it. Stop costing yourself your peace and freedom. Don’t stay in bondage to offense. Let it go and learn to live again. 

Once you’ve let go. Then move on. Learn to trust again. Learn to love again. Learn to let people in again. It may take a while to get there. In fact, you’ll definitely have to do all of those things before you ever feel like it, but it’s worth it. And sure, those people might hurt you too. It’s part of life. But what if that next best friend is in it for life. What if that next significant other is your spouse. What if the next boss gives you the promotion you always wanted. You will never know until you choose to move on and trust again.

And I realize that sometimes hurt goes far deeper than this. Maybe you were abused in some way. Can I just say that that doesn’t have to be the end of your story. Even those deep wounds can heal, but it starts with letting go. It’s not worth holding onto. God still has a wonderful and beautiful plan for you. He is the only one who can heal that pain, but He can’t begin until you let Him have it. 

We all have to learn to move on. If restitution can’t be reached then move onto what’s next in the plan. If restitution is possible then pursue it. But whatever you do, don’t stay in the hurt. Don’t keep bringing it up and using the excuse of “venting”. It’s not venting, it’s just reopening the wounds. Don’t keep going back to what happened. Let God have it and then go after the new thing that He is trying to do in your life. Because He is wanting to launch you into your destiny. So let Him do it. 

And I hope this doesn’t sound like a rant. Maybe it is. Maybe it isn’t. But my heart is this, I want you to live and not die. I want you to have everything that God has ever wanted for you. I want you to live out your God-dreams. I want you to have peace and joy and love and freedom. I don’t want you to live in bondage because I know that you were made for so much more than that. My heart is for you. My heart breaks knowing that there are so many out there who are hurting. But I also know that God is still in the business of healing. So let Him heal you. 

Let go. Move on. Live. That is the will of God for you.