Can I be honest for a minute?

I want to be very vulnerable and honest with all of you. Last year was huge for me. A dream that started years ago finally made it to reality. I was finally focused on the calling God gave me. I was passionate about something again. And I got to see the results of my hard work.

But then something happened. Right after my book release, I had a wave of depression hit me like I’ve never experienced before. What was even worse was I knew it was a spiritual attack, but I couldn’t seem to fight it. It was like all the words I had poured into this book just left my brain. I didn’t believe them. I didn’t practice them. I gave up under the weight of this spirit of heaviness. It just goes to show that no one is exempt from the attacks of the enemy.

Last year ended in one of the lowest points mentally that I’ve walked through in a long time. And to be honest, this year hasn’t started great for me either. I’ve had to refocus. For those who have read the book, I had to re-immurse.

But God is so good. In the midst of all the struggle, He’s been reminding me of the purpose of my dream being realized. I’ve gotten several stories of people who have read the book and how the Lord has broken chains of anxiety and mental distress in their lives. Stories that I can’t believe happened because of some words I put in a book.

I’ve been humbled by it all. I dropped into that depression last year because I thought the book didn’t sell like I hoped it would. It’s not that it did poorly. I just thought it would have sold more. I got caught up in the recognition and the money. I realized very quickly that that’s not hard to do. The devil is very good at making us think that God is somehow holding back something from us or that He's not living up to His word.

But I’ve since repented of that way of thinking and I’m choosing to trust God with the results. I did the work He asked me to do, but He makes things grow. And He makes things grow in His timing and in His ways. Good things don't always look the way we want or expect them to, but that doesn't mean they are not good. And it doesn't mean that God is not still moving or working.

The people who need this book will find it. I know that now. Because God is faithful. He is faithful to His people and His promises. This book isn’t about a royalty check. If that’s what it becomes then I need to just give up on being a writer now. The purpose is to help people (including myself) find freedom in Christ. None of it is possible without Him. And none of it is worth anything without Him.

So there you go. Just a little peek into my life. I’m not perfect. I don’t have it all together just because I wrote a book about it. Sometimes I forget the truth. But thankfully, God never forgets me.